Mirror

My mind is a mirror

Hanging high upon the wall

Reflecting my thoughts back at me

Myself on the receiving end of it all

The truths, the lies, the things that could’ve been

The deceitful reflections

Of what I’m battling deep down within

The darkness is sly as it pretends

To be my ally

To be my friend

It bothers me when I stare

It tells me to look away

But the appearance is hypnotic

Magnetism in a gaze

Radiating a cold glow

Reflecting absolute zero

It whispers at me when I’m sleeping

Yelling at me when I’m awake

I don’t speak much about it

So how would you ever know

I wonder what the difference would be

If I could ever just let go

It’s like I’m chained to the bottom

Floating just up off the floor

Drowning myself with the regrets of my past

Gasping for air until their is no more

Struggling to keep earning back

The traumatic breaths that feel like my last

The suffocating regrets

Are all that I have left

I just wish I could unshackle these chains

And make my way back to the top

Yet trapped here I remain

Entrenched

Entombed

Holding myself down

All the screaming

All the yelling

Doesn’t even make a sound

No one can hear you

When you have already drowned

Unselfishly

All I want is more

But I tend to sabotage myself

Throw it all away when things get too good

When there is no more desire to be found

I’ve searched and scoured

The scorched earth that is my heart

Looking for a key to unlock

The ability to go back to the start

To at least make a mends

To try and be my friend

So we don’t have to endure this

Over and over again

So we can forgive

So we can move past

And not continue passing this down

It wasn’t mine

But it grabbed ahold

Dug its nails in

And won’t let go

It’s in too deep

It’s found a home

It has taken

Full control

I want you out

I want you gone

You’ve been in there

For way too long

So mirror mirror on the wall

Please don’t remind me who hates me most of all

I can hear you still talking when I cover my ears

I can still see you with my eyes shut

I know your still there disgusted at me

I know what you say isint true

Even though it feels so real

How far away are we from this being over

At some point it will all come to an end

Over before it started

Still can’t see where it began